With the secular War on Christmas safely behind us and no lingering  mushroom clouds,  Bill O’Reilly  has declared total victory over bellicose atheists, agnostics and everyone who spent Christmas Day frantically preoccupied with hauling gift wrappings and broken toys  to the backyard shed.

As peace is restored,  a jubilant Fox News is now said to be preparing to feature O’Reilly as a wise man in a new version of a Nativity Scene that will appear on billboards and in theater lobbies by late autumn; meantime  Sarah Palin is being asked to accept  a role as Glenn Beck’s Valentine to stave off a bloody war against that colorful celebration by the Chicago mob.  As you can see, Fox  never leaves anything that might impair America’s spiritual health to chance – not even Macy’s basement.