As folks on the left lick their wounds and pick up the pieces from the dumbest election ever, they’re understandably looking for bright sides. And there are a few — some important local tax levies passed in Ohio, medical and recreational marijuana was legalized in six more states and the Democrats are rebuilding to become more progressive and reflective of working people’s needs. However, there’s another sweet treat hidden amongst the negatives of 2016, one that stands out more than the rest for us here at Plunderbund — by the end of 2018, John Kasich’s political career will be dead.
This may not shock our more loyal readers, but it’s worth pointing out that the rest of the political world is singing the same tune. The Washington Times spoke with Republican voters who felt Kasich came off like a “little brat” and a “wolf in sheep’s clothing,” writing that “the last straw for Trump backers came when [Kasich] refused to follow through with the promise he made in the primary to back the eventual nominee.” Instead, Kasich literally wasted his vote by writing in Senator John McCain, maybe pretending McCain meant Kasich.
Because of actions like these, LifeZette’s “PoliZette” section named Kasich one of the biggest failures of 2016, saying he “gave a veritable masterclass in being a sore loser.” The Toledo Blade reiterated those claims, writing that “other than the Ohio Democratic Party, the biggest loser on election night may have been Republican Gov. John Kasich’s presidential aspirations.” Ding Dong, indeed. The House of Trump has fallen out of the sky right onto The Wicked Kasich’s head, and now the rest of the GOP gets to divi up his ruby slippers.
Then again, as we here at Plunderbund have noted, the real reason Kasich didn’t back his party’s nominee or show up to the convention he hosted is because “he’s anti-anybody who’s not him.” It was never about taking the “higher ground” or “moving the GOP forward.” Kasich was counting on Trump to lose so bigly that he had a press conference ready to go at the American Enterprise Institute only days after the election. Instead, it got cancelled, and as has been written about here, Kasich’s last trip to the White House was to “celebrate the NBA Championship win with the Cleveland Cavaliers,” according to an email. The visit symbolized Kasich’s plight perfectly — posing next to a trophy thanks to a team that he didn’t help win.
There are some, including here at Plunderbund, who think Kasich deserves a “pardon,” but if the trends in Trumpville indicate anything, Trump’s former enemies won’t be finding new friends in Washington anytime soon. As Politico reported after the election, Team Trump is taking names and keeping a list. There will be no room for outsiders, some of them even being told there’s “no f—ing way they’re getting inside.” And let’s face it, Kasich certainly fits the profile of Trump’s biggest enemies who “went out of [their] way to be an asshole.” For him, the administration is “not going to be helpful.”
Of course, the real nail in the coffin comes from inside Trumpville, as former advisor Roger Stone confirmed via text that Kasich’s political career is “deader than Kelsey’s nuts.” If you’re not exactly sure what that means, just know Stone tweeted that Kasich was a “jerk-off stoner who will never be president” and claimed he fired lil’ Johnny “from the 1976 Reagan Campaign… For selling pot to other field men.” The political rumor mill about Kasich’s inner circle was also in full swing as he hung on much too long through the primary.
Sad! Ah, but the enemy of my enemy truly is my friend. As The Blade reported, there are only a few ways Kasich’s career can be resurrected — if Trump “gets impeached or indicted” or “if he’s unpopular” and “won’t run again.” So there is a chance, but it’s similar to how Jim Carrey’s character felt in Dumb and Dumber. Besides, knowing Trump’s brash style of campaigning, the real fight against the Orange One in 2020 will be fought by Democrats and conservative movements outside of the GOP. By the end of the 2018, Kasich won’t have the clout to raise his scrunchy face from the political ashes again.