ABJJohn Kasich is running a presidential campaign, to put it loosely, without topsoil. His chaotic antics have so confused the gallery that even the Beacon Journal, which finds so much to like about the Ohio governor, has had to backtrack on its rationale for him to stay in the race. He’s better than the other two Republican contenders, the paper says, while praising his “knowledge and experience”. But it’s now had to factor in the metrics of his dismal performance on Tuesday in which he was pummeled to a base of clay in all five primary states.

His image was reduced in the national media to an awkward Ohioan trying without a hint of gravitas to stuff his mouth with a pancake during a meeting with reporters.

OK. So you are a failure with shrinking campaign money as a let’s-pretend presidential candidate who should be mournfully asking “Why Oh, Why Oh did I ever leave Ohio?”

What to do? That’s what a politician with, um, knowledge and experience, would do, right? That’s what a lot of other Republican candidates did, But Kasich believes the Oval Office is the divine right of the blue collar son of a mailman.

So without talking to Rhode Island media after the votes were counted he hastily made off cross-country to Oregon, where he anticipates a solid comeback to impress the anti-Trump delegate fixers at the Cleveland convention. In Oregon, he’s already engineered something called the “Oregon Ballot fund” to counter a foul-up in a prior political pamphlet without his picture, bio or statement.

Even more bizarre, Ted Cruz, who traded Rhode Island, New Mexico and Oregon with Kasich for Indiana in an historic deal , introduced Carly Fiorina as his official running mate, a campaign dropout herself. Stunningly in a year when the gallery superiors from Trump down look for colorfully new ways to insult people, John Boehner went on NPR to call Cruz a “miserable son of a bitch”.

On the other hand, Trump merely hissed that Kasich’s new ally was a “pain in the ass’.

This will make a great motion picture comedy someday.