Ohio Gov. John Kasich continues his ride on the Presidential Struggle Bus, destination Cleveland 2016.

He’s placed himself in the unenviable position of having to maintain the fiction he’s some sort of moderate in the Grand Old Party Presidential Pageant while simultaneously asserting steadfast unreasonableness on the question of President Obama’s nominee to the U.S. Supreme Court.

The Fresh Prince of Light and Joy got himself all flipped-turned upside down over the weekend trying to talk out of both sides of his mouth.

From the Columbus Dispatch:

There was “bit of a situation” Sunday involving Gov. John Kasich’s thoughts on President Obama’s nominee of Merrick Garland to the Supreme Court.

“In interviews taped for broadcasts of Face the Nation on CBS and Meet the Press on NBC, the GOP presidential candidate said he would consider nominating Garland to the high court if he wins the Oval Office,” Dispatch reporter Randy Ludlow writes. “But, Kasich changed his mind later Saturday, telling reporters after a town hall in Utah that he had concerns with Garland’s record on guns.”

As we all know from our study of the Federalist Papers, the President of the United States shall have the power, by and with the consent of the National Rifle Association, to nominate justices to the Supreme Court.

What’s fun here is that John Kasich suddenly has concerns with Garland’s record on guns despite the fact that – no matter what the howling monkeys at National Review and Fox News might shriek  – Merrick Garland doesn’t really have a record on guns of which to speak.

But this is the Republican Presidential Primary we’re talking about here, folks. This is Whose Line Is It Anyway, Republican Presidential Edition, where everything’s made up and the facts don’t matter.

If Wm. F. Buckley’s old palliative rag for the racist, callous and greedy tells them it’s time to bark, baby it’s time to bark, and who the hell is John Richard Kasich to defy them?

Meanwhile, Kasich is now forced to watch as that ever-amorphous creature-of-convenience Willard M. Romney shifts shapes once again in the state of Utah, abandoning Kampaign Kasich in favor of Texas Ted Cruz, and leaving the pool of the Buckeye State governor’s Presidential ambitions decidedly dry.

The Mitt factor: On Friday, 2012 GOP presidential candidate Mitt Romney said he would back Cruz in Utah in Tuesday’s caucus  saying, “The only path that remains to nominate a Republican rather than Mr. Trump is to have an open convention. At this stage, the only way we can reach an open convention is for Senator Cruz to be successful in as many of the remaining nominating elections as possible.”

What he said about Kasich: “I like Governor John Kasich. I have campaigned with him. He has a solid record as governor. I would have voted for him in Ohio. But a vote for Governor Kasich in future contests makes it extremely likely that Trumpism would prevail.”

Did you catch that line, folks? The only path that remains to nominate a Republican rather than Mr. Trump… This has become a popular canard on the right. Mr. Trump, you see, is not a Republican… I know, cray right?

Sure, Mr. Trump is registered Republican. He’s spent the last seven-plus years stoking Republican birther nonsense and hatred of Democratic President Obama. He’s running for the Republican nomination. He’s won the majority of Republican votes for the nomination in 18 states, which is 17 more than Republican John Kasich. He’s won the votes of millions of Republicans. He espouses the same paranoid, racist, hateful, fear-mongering, violent rhetoric that Republicans have dog-whistled for years, just without the dog whistle. But he’s not a Republican.

In the immortal words of Captain O’Hagan, I’ll believe that when me shit turns purple and smells like rainbow sherbet.

You want the best proof that Donald Trump is a Republican? At every turn, no matter his culpability, he deflects all blame from himself and lays it unjustly at the feet of others. Point of evidence: Willard Romney and the rest of the yokels claiming their Trumpenstein monster is not a Republican. Parallel evidentiary proof: Donald Trump telling his mindless, fawning crowds he’d like to punch protestors in the face and then denying he incites violence when they actually do.

So how did the spurned lover Camp Kasich swing back at Willard?

A word from Team Kasich: “The fact is the establishment has gotten it wrong this entire primary and it is unfortunate to see Mitt Romney is getting bad political advice. John Kasich is best positioned to stop Donald Trump in the Midwest, Mid-Atlantic and Pacific Coast states. This is just the old establishment trying to game the political system, but John Kasich’s defeated the Republican establishment his entire career,” chief strategist John Weaver said in a statement.

If you’re anything like me, folks, you’re double-overed with laughter after reading that doozy from the Weavs.

John Richard Kasich, nine-term U.S. Congressman. John Richard Kasich, former Fox News hack. John Richard Kasich, former managing director at Lehmans Brothers. John Richard Kasich, anti-establishment crusader!

Yeah, Weavs, people are gonna buy that one right up. As long as you’re selling that, why don’t you tell voters to turn their stock portfolios over to Bernie Madoff, and loan a couple thousand dollar advance to any Nigerian prince who sends them an email?

Child, please. The John Kasich Struggle Bus arrived in Shining Time Station the night of March 15 and departed early the morning next. But by all means, continue the show. You think you’re excited to see what Johnny Boy K. and the Weavs come up with next? You should see my nipples.

D.C. DeWitt is a writer and man of sport and leisure. He has also written for Government Executive online, the National Journal’s Hotline, and The New York Observer’s Politicker.com. He is the Associate Editor of The Athens NEWS in Athens, Ohio. DeWitt can be found on Facebook and Twitter @DC_DeWitt.

 

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