For the herd of Republican presidential candidates who are desperately looking for a way to throttle Donald Trump, we have a proposal: oil up Dick Cheney’s mechanical heart and draft him as a candidate. It would instantly draw the national media into a new Twilight Zone because, like Trump, Cheney has never been at a loss for dumb things to say. Besides, unlike Trump, who grabs your attention with theatrical rants, Cheney is Mr. Cool in projecting his wildest lies. The Republican herd badly needs coolness these days.

It probably wouldn’t be a hard sell to recruit Cheney. He and his daughter Liz have just written a book titled “Exceptional” that he could autograph like baseballs along the circuit. (You’ll be hearing more about it on the more exciting TV news talk shows, I’m sure.)

I’ve only read the excerpts and there’s apparently nothing new in it that would cause me to spoil the ending. For a man who enjoyed five draft deferments because he said he had “other priorities,” Cheney remains on the top tier of hawks who drove us into the bloody failed invasion of Iraq. At the time, he insisted that the enemy was in “the last throes” of the insurgency; that the conflict would go “relatively quickly, weeks rather than months”; and in the end we will be “greeted as liberators”. Don’t know whether any of that is in the book.

Speaking of liberators, he writes about the brave Americans who fought in our military battles, and defends our use of atomic bombs as an example of this country’s “fundamental decency.”

But he saved his biggest fantasies for his assaults on President Obama, literally accusing him for ushering in ISIS and everything else that has gone wrong in the Middle East for centuries. He frets that in books, tests and classroom instruction “our children are too often being told that the legacy they have inherited is shameful”.

That is partly true, if you consider that the shameful legacy of Iraq only refers to a draft dodger and worse, Dick Cheney.

Yep, with Trump on the loose the Republican also-runners could satisfy their own core values with a freshly laundered fantasy from Cheney, who is not a fundamentally decent man.