I hope my fellow Ohioans are as impressed as I am by the statesmanship and serious, somber reflection we’ve been enjoying as a nation throughout this Presidential Primary season thus far.

TRUMP“Do we want nice people or do we want horrible human beings?” The Donald Trump is asking his audiences. “I want horrible!” is his answer. I believe him. He leads by example.

In New Hampshire, Ohio Gov. John Kasich has moved up to 2nd place behind Trump in the GOP primary, with an average of 11 percent according to Real Clear Politics, and taking 11 percent to Trump’s 35 percent in Public Policy Polling’s most recent. Kasich & Co. have dumped millions into TeeVee ad buys in New Hampshire to get these low double-digit scores, and we can only imagine how thrilled they are.

Meanwhile, in the national polls, Kasich’s average is now in a three-way tie for 8th with Rand Paul and Mike Huckabee at 4.3 percent. In the Iowa caucus averages, he’s in 10th at 2.7 percent, and in the South Carolina primary, he is again in 10th, this time with 3 percent.

What is unknown now, however, is what kind of play Kasich will get from the Deez Nuts bump, as reported at Cleveland.com.

Deez Nuts is a 15-year-old Presidential candidate from Iowa named Brady Olson who has said while he endorses himself for the general election, he’s throwing the weight of bofa behind Kasich in the Republican Primary and Bernie Sanders in the Democratic Primary. Finally we can all get some sleep; I know we’ve all been up at night wondering.

Meanwhile, those benevolent benefactors of American Democracy, the Brothers Koch, Charles and David, held their Americans for Prosperity summit in Columbus, Ohio, and Kasich wasn’t invited to the cool kids’ pool party in his own backyard.

Of course, Kasich being the downtrodden outcast, the other kids took the opportunity to make fun of him behind his back for (what else?) accepting Medicaid expansion under the Affordable Care Act.

Perry called Kasich’s justification for accepting $13 billion from the federal government to expand Medicaid “nonsense.”

“That money doesn’t come from an endless vault of money in Washington. It is borrowed from bankers in China and children in Cleveland and Columbus,” Perry told attendees.

Every Captain Hook must have a Smee, and this Perry stuff put Kasich’s Smee all in a huff.

14666469597_cb4068544e_b“Rick Perry defended taking billions in Obama stimulus money to fill the Texas state budget holes caused by his own faulty projections, but now says using federal dollars to improve people’s health is bad?” (Katich spokesperson) Rob Nichols said.

Forgive First Mate Nichols for apparently being away in Neverland these past six years as the whole raison d’être of the Republican Party has been the theme that using federal dollars to improve people’s health is bad. I believe the Republican U.S. House’s Obamacare repeal attempts are up to 56 or 57.

Finally, Ohio Secretary of State Jon Husted announced the titles for November’s statewide ballot initiatives in a press release Tuesday afternoon.

Husted, who is gearing up for a run for governor in 2018 and a likely Republican primary against Ohio Attorney General Mike DeWine, should  win a national award for gratuitous bullshittery by a state chief elections officer with these titles.

From Husted:

State Issue 1: “Creates a bipartisan, public process for drawing legislative districts”

I’ll leave that one be for now because the fun really starts with Issues 2 and 3, which we will take in reverse order:

State Issue 3: “Grants a monopoly for the commercial production and sale of marijuana for recreational and medicinal purposes.”

State Issue 2: “Anti-monopoly amendment; protects the initiative process from being used for personal economic benefit.”

Holy hell, is this electoral craps table being run by Nathan Detroit? Somebody check those dice. I think we’re playing on a loaded roll.

David Charles DeWitt is a writer and man of sport and leisure based out of Athens, Ohio. He has also written for Government Executive online, the National Journal’s Hotline, and The New York Observer’s Politicker.com. He can be found on Twitter @DC_DeWitt.