Gov. John R. Kasich

Gov. John R. Kasich

Waiter, take this back to the kitchen. Donald Trump’s hair fell in my soup. Or maybe I’m just not hungry.

All over Ohio, newspapers are newspaperin’ about the latest Quinnipiac Poll showing Ohio Gov. John Kasich beating Hillary Clinton 47 percent to 40 percent among Ohio voters in a hypothetical match-up.

Let’s turn to the Toledo Blade‘s Tom Troy for coverage:

Former Secretary of State Clinton’s favorability rating is a negative 44 percent to 48 percent in Ohio. Voters in Ohio also said, by 53 percent to 40 percent, that she is not honest and trustworthy. Poll respondents said, by 60 to 37 percent, she is a strong leader, and split at 48 percent on whether she cares about their needs, the polling institute said.

Ohio voters surveyed said by 61-28 percent that Mr. Kasich is honest; 70-21 percent that that he has strong leadership qualities, and 58-34 percent that he cares about their needs and problems…

Aside from Mr. Kasich, Mrs. Clinton topped or tied with all the other Republican and likely Republican candidates among voters polled in Ohio.

Ay caramba.

First thing’s first, kudos to the Blade‘s photo editor for the sense of humor that went into choosing the AP photos to run with this story. It’s like a casting call for American Horror Story: The Campaign Trail.

I must say, I’m a bit incredulous about this poll. Did Quinnipiac’s pollsters explicitly exclude everybody within the Three Big C city limits? Was this poll conducted during John Boehner’s Reagan Day Golf Scramble and Tan-Off?

John Kasich is an honest and strong leader who cares about our needs and problems? Have we entered a dimension not only of sight and sound, but of mind? Is that you Rod Sterling?

Or has the United State of Amnesia struck again?

OK then, let me stretch out my old creaky bones and roll out the projector once again for the tale of the tape:

Since January 2011, Kasich has tried to strong-arm public employees out of their collective bargaining rights, cut $1.86 billion from local governments and public schools costing thousands of public workers, police, firefighters and teachers their jobs, and signed onto cuts to addiction treatment in the middle of a heroin crisis.

In 2012 alone,  $774 million was deducted from traditional public schools to fund charters, with 84 percent of children who went to them entering schools performing worse than the ones they left. If that weren’t enough, at least 20 Ohio charter schools are teaching the Fred Flintstone version of human anthropological history subsidized by public taxpayer dollars. Yabba-dabba-doo.

Kasich has privatized prisons with disastrous results. He’s privatized the state department of development and rendered it a shadowy cesspool for insider cronyism. He’s given tax kickbacks to friends at the top of the income scale who don’t need it, and won’t use it to boost consumerism, at the expense of those who would. He’s lowered progressive taxes for those who don’t require it by hiking regressive taxes on those who can’t afford it.

He rolled back Ohio’s renewable energy portfolio and disemboweled the state’s efforts to set itself up for a new green manufacturing boon. And he unraveled a constitutional education model that used evidence to prescribe best practices in favor of an incoherent, unconstitutional one that robs the wallets of most school districts while funneling even more cash to those already well-off.

What honest, strong leadership. Oh how John Kasich cares about our needs and problems. Don’t it just make ya feel all warm and fuzzy?

::singing:: Que sera, sera, whatever will be, will be.

David DeWitt is a writer and man of sport and leisure based out of Athens, Ohio. He has also written for Government Executive online, the National Journal’s Hotline, and The New York Observer’s He can be found on Twitter @TheRevDeWitt.