Republicans oppose President Obama’s immigration plan because…

(1) Latinos are not skilled in working as greeters at Sam’s Club

(2) More Taco Bells would force Chick-fil-A into bankruptcy

(3) Major League baseball teams already have too many shortstops on their rosters

(4) The illegals’ buttocks are bulging with diseased cantaloupes

Republicans oppose same-sex marriage because…

(1) Most have no idea how gays do it in bed

(2) God is reacting to the rise of such abominable unions by casting a measles plague on America with gay locusts

(3) If Obama supports it, it must be bad

(4) Polls show that homosexuals don’t shop at Hobby Lobby

Republicans oppose climate change  because…

(1) There is no scientific proof that it affects their golf games

(2) National pundits insist that Gov. Kasich has a sunny personality

(3) It couldn’t happen anyway because Atty. Gen. Mike DeWine has filed suits in all 50 states to prevent it

(4) President Obama believes it’s true

House speaker John Boehner never smiles because …

(1) He doesn’t believe anybody can be happy with Obama as president

(2) He is a digital life-form and didn’t sign up for Obamacare

(3) His expression has been frozen by cigarette smoke and sun lamps

(4) He doesn’t have a dog

Sunny Kasich is on the road pushing a balanced federal budget because …

(1) Most Ohioans like the idea even if they don’t have a clue to how to do it

(2) He wants to grab the last presidential  candidate spot before Kim Kardashian beats him to it

(3) He needs something exciting to talk about if  Bill Maher invites him to the show

(4) He wants to take his new Sunny app as far as he can

Republished from Grumpy Abe