John Richard Kasich is not my amigo.

Ohioans, by a narrow margin, support equal marriage rights. John Richard Kasich does not. A majority of Ohioans are OK with marijuana legalization. John Richard Kasich is not. Most Ohioans support a woman’s right to choose. John Richard Kasich does not.

J.R. Kasich supports “local control” over whether or not Ohio’s taxpayer-funded public schools teach the Fred Flinstone version of human anthropological history. J.R. Kasich would like to explore whether it’s a good idea to give gun-toting citizens the right to shoot first when the ol’ trigger finger starts to itch with an undesirable lurking about. Dodge City circa 1870 had a stricter sense of justice w/r/t the use of lethal force.

Of course, there are all the other issues that divide Monsieur Kasich and yrs. truly: Collective bargaining rights, the funding of public schools and local government, turning education into a for-profit enterprise via charter schools, privatized prisons, privatized and shadowy state development, rolling back renewable energy standards, funneling tax breaks to the wealthy at the expense of the struggling proletariate.

But it was nice of the Columbus Dispatch to print this little list showing in stark reality just how far John R. Kasich strays from a 21st Century worldview in favor of maudlin Republican anchoring to a sad, reductive fantasy of the past.

Marriage rights, the future of public education, women’s healthcare rights, these are real issues that impact the lives of millions of everyday Ohioans, unlike, say, I don’t know, the status of Ed FitzGerald’s driver’s license.

And while I’m not going to cover every issue here, I would like to address one egregious lie peddled by John Kasich.

“I believe marriage is between a man and a woman. The constitutional amendment passed by voters in 2004 speaks to this issue (of civil unions) and I support the Constitution. At the same time, Ohio law recognizes the existing rights of people to enter into private contracts to manage their personal property and health-care issues.”

Support the Constitution… Just not the 14th Amendment to the United States Constitution, right John?

But what else could you expect from a man looking greedily at the 2015 Grand Old Party primary?

Fortunately, equal protection under the law extends further than the shallow reach of John Kasich’s beliefs, and Supreme Court Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg is eyeballing the 6th Circuit Court of Appeals that has Ohio’s same-sex marriage ban before it right now.

Kasich’s bromides about civil unions are sickening, showing either profound ignorance on his part of the real-world, life-and-death problems caused by inequality, or a profound desire on his part to stuff his fingers in his ears, shut his eyes, and intone, “La-la-la-la-la-la-la-la-lah!”

State and federal marriage laws provide a safety net of legal and economic protections for couples and their children, unavailable otherwise. This includes the ability to visit your spouse in the hospital, to transfer property, and to make life and death decisions in cases of tragedy.

“La-la-la-la-la-la-lah!”

Kasich’s own attorney general Mike DeWine has been fighting to remove a valid out-of-state marriage from a dead man’s death certificate, because Mike DeWine, and John Kasich by proxy, are offended at the idea of a loving couple being buried next to one another, or something. Two dudes? Eck.

“La-la-la-la-la-la-lah!”

Ohio’s unconstitutional ban excludes equal protection under the law prima facie. On the arbitrary basis of gender, it says that adults with the same private parts do not in Ohio have the right to enter into legal marriage contracts. John Kasich is peddling an insulting version of “separate but equal” where equality means “not at all equal.”

I’m loathe to be confident in the 6th Circuit Court, or even SCOTUS for that matter, but at least battering was recently done. Nothing like a good battering. From the Dispatch: “Gays batter Ohio same-sex marriage ban in court.”

Who’s doing the battering? The gays. The Gays are doing the battering. Despite being at best 10 percent of the population, and with over 50 percent of Ohio’s population supporting equal marriage rights, it’s The Gays who are battering away. Dang gays.

Avoid the comments section, the strange cousin to Godwin’s Law is in full effect—DeWitt’s Law, let’s call it—that equal marriage rights can rarely be discussed by conservatives without a double entendre eventually being deployed typically related to something being shoved down someone’s throat.

David DeWitt is a journalist and universal minister based out of Athens, Ohio. He can be found on Twitter @TheRevDeWitt.

 
  • Think.

    We’ll all be singing the blues, if this ALEC governor is given four more years…

  • Joe A Nobody

    Start referring to him as Dick Kasich: Dick Kasich before he dicks you.

  • dmoore2222

    November surprise: Dems show at the polls in record numbers and Frackin John loses.

  • Josh Allen

    Well, apparently Ohioans agree with him because he is a shoo in

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