Here’s an acid test for any true Ohio political junkie: When was the last time a Republican U.S. Presidential candidate won without taking our Great River state?

None, going back to the first Republican nominee Abe Lincoln himself.  That’s o’er a hunder’d and fi’ty years. No Democrat has won without Ohio since Kennedy.

This little factoid seems to have stuck in the dendritic channels of the Grand Old Party’s collective memory as they look piningly at 2016.

Noted goober Reince Preibus, who also serves as Republican National Committee chairman, announced this summer that Cleveland will host the Grand Ol’ Soiree the August before Americans choose our next president in that fateful year.

And every day, the news, oh boy, contains at least a solid inch speculating on Gov. John Kasich and U.S. Sen Rob Portman’s chances of landing on the ticket.

The Columbus Dispatch gave it the whole yard on Tuesday with a big-and-slobbery on Kasich’s 2016 turn at the great wheel of American presidential fate.

“‘I think we have as good a record as anybody in America,’ Kasich told The Dispatch’s editorial board.”

A sit-down with the board, eh? I can only imagine the backsplappin’ hootenanny of mutual sycophancy between the honchos at the Dispatch and The Guv.

“Harumph! Harumph! Harumph! Harumph!”

Just as you have time to process that Newt Gingrich is encouraging Kasich to write a book on all the wonderful things he’s done in Ohio, the article informs us that Kasich will also coordinate his release date with his push for the stupidest idea in American politics, the balanced-budget amendment.

John Kasich is staking his central plank as the “balanced budget” nominee and it’s a promise that he’d never be able to deliver, so thank all that is good for that, because it’s also a colossally stupid idea and would ruin many people for good.

Balanced Budget Amendment proposals have been floating around for a longtime in our muddied politics. To put it simply, even their latest proposals could not be achieved if they abolished every federal program aside from national defense, Medicare, Social Security, and interest on the debt.

Cue Kasich touting his “turnaround” of Ohio when he faced a $4 billion state budget deficit and peddles to convince 300 million Americans to let him try his hand at the nation’s $12.6 trillion debt. Holy Spicoli. It’s enough to give one night terrors.

Meanwhile, The New York Times ran a little piece speculating on the presidential timber quality of Portman Lumberyard, saying his being unknown is a good thing and extolling his ability to capitalize on the “personal and emotional” story of his “evolution on the topic of gay equality.”

The NY Times exclaims that 4 in 10 voters now support marriage-equality. We are left to infer that they don’t mean 4 in 10 GOP primary voters.

Not so fast, they tell us, pointing avidly at one Willard M. Romney, saying he was just gosh golly likable to GOP primary voters even if they had a firebrand more to their particular liking, or something.

“Even if some in the party were not enthusiastic about Mr. Romney’s moderate positions, they were not rejecting him because of it. The same may hold true for Mr. Portman,” quoth the New York Times.

That’s a “Go Get ‘Em, Tiger” if I’ve ever heard one.

David DeWitt is a journalist and universal minister based out of Athens, Ohio. He can be found on Twitter @TheRevDeWitt.