U.S. Rep. David Joyce, R- Geauga County, wants us to drill. Baby, he wants us to drill and not stop drilling. He wants us to drill now, drill deep, and drill hard. Then when we are done drilling, David Joyce wants us to drill some more.

David Joyce has the answer to all of America’s problems, and if you haven’t guessed by now, it has to do with drilling. He’s raised his oily hands in praise of the drilling gods.

In a recently posted YouTube video dating from Aug. 18, Joyce is seen giving a speech advocating his cutting-edge, never-before-considered idea of drilling the ever-living hell out of all of our natural resources, selling it all to Europe, and, natch, Eureka! All our problems slip away like bad dream of burning water.

“How can we change things? First thing we can do right now, we need to drill, we need to drill fast, we can ship now from the north coast of Ohio directly to Europe. Beautiful thing!”

Ignorance indeed doth often precede bliss.

Election records show the freshman Republican in Ohio’s Fighting Fourteenth in northeast Ohio has received $3,000 from CoalPAC, $3,000 from Cliffs PAC, $2,000 from United Mine Workers of America, $1,000 from Arch Coal PAC, $10,000 from KochPAC (natural gas, among others), in addition to thousands more from petroleum producers and power utilities.

And of course that has nothing to do with Joyce’s endless enthusiasm for drilling our natural resources. Of course, Mr. Joyce has figured it all out. After we drill all our natural resources, we can sell them to Europe, India and China! And they can deal with the pollution! Because, y’know, the climate doesn’t travel, does it? Ya silly goose. The Earth isn’t one big ecosystem, and weather respects national boundaries.

“We all want clean air, we all want clean water, but guess who’s buying coal—China, India. No restrictions—they’re burning it. My daughter was over there, she was in China, she was in Vietnam. In Vietnam it was crystal clear; her pictures in China looked like she was shooting them through a gray screen because of the smog. We should be selling them our technology and how to use it in a clean way, and selling them our coal.”

Apparently, aside from being aware of some really fab new technology that makes coal just not so coal-y, Joyce has a plan to sell it too! Along with the coal. It’s like getting a Sham-wow and a free bottle of Cranberry Juice spilled on a piece of carpet to go with it. Will wonders never cease?

In one breath toward the end of the video, Joyce talks about doing things “the Republican way” while also “working together.”

Together, we can work to do things the way I want them, he declares. What a mensch. And as for shipping as much flammable and dirty sources of energy down my beloved Lake Erie as possible, we can venture that ol’ David Joyce might have missed the sarcasm in Randy Newman’s “Burn On.”

David DeWitt is a writer and universal minister based out of Athens, Ohio. He can be found on Twitter @TheRevDeWitt.

 

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