Capitol Hill insiders say President Obama will celebrate Memorial Day by designating John Boehner as a medieval national monument. They say the president has reacted sharply to the Speaker’s jack-in-the-box oppostion to Obama’s designation of the Organ Mountains-Desert Peaks in New Mexico as a national monument. Although the border control says otherwise, Boehner says Obama’s action will threaten security while many others in the area applaud the decision as a boon for tourism.

Obama reportedly will classify Boehner’s office on Capitol Hill as a tourist site open even to those without birth certificates and photo ID’s. But the Republicans in Boehner’s House scorned the Boehner National Monument as nothing more than a political stunt and voted against funding a gift shop.