The Ohio Republican Party drum-rolled its new “dynamic” website Monday with the sort of synthetic excitement one might find in a TV ad for industrial strength floor soap. It boasted that the party was  “creating a movement”-  and we dare not take that thought much farther.  “A party united.” it exclaimed, hoping to create one of those ballpark waves for the home team.   “A state of freedom,” it declared, which such groups as Planned Parenthood and altar-bound same-sex  couples might want to contest.

OK, so it’s political fiction hoisted on the wings of the Right.

The party’s press release announcing the arrival of its stylishly  cool summer apparel began with silvery words from the state party’s new chairman, Matt Borges:

“Our Ohio Republican leadership team has a great story to tell about how far we’ve come in the last few years, and this new website will be a powerful tool to provide updates, connect with Ohioans, and educate voters about our party.”

Speaking of updates, the release bears a color photo above the text of a barn and silo in an otherwise uninhabited expanse of green acres. Excuse me for gloating, but it does seem to be a good fit for my obsessive references to the GOP-controlled General Assembly as a medieval team of rustics.

Not that anybody cares, I would suggest that the bucolic picture be replaced with the facade of the Columbus Dispatch or Plain Dealer,  which  have left no doubt about their  preferences for the re-election of Gov. Kasich and Sen. Rob Portman, two baptized Republicans no matter what the Tea Partyers might be cooking up for them.

In a piece telling us of Portman’s encounter with the Tea Partyers after announcing his support for same-sex marriage, the PD’s Washington bureau chief, Stephen Koff, intervened with a volume of evidence to show Portman’s Hard Right critics that he was every bit as conservative as they are. Except, of course, his support of gay marriage once he learned that his son was …you know.  Fortunately for the senator, he won’t have to recant his fierce opposition to abortion because there’s no chance that his son also is pregnant.

Koff decribed Portman as a “no pretense, stand-up guy,” respected as a congressman, advisor to George Bush and now a senator with “presidential possibilities.”

Meanwhile, Jack Torry, the Dispatch’s Washington Bureau chief, seemed quite pleased to report  on Portman’s coming visit to New Hampshire, asserting that the senator is sending a signal to the folks up there that he “may be interested in running for president.” And Portman, wrote Torry, “has a strong resume”.  Glad that that much is settled.

Good grief.  There’s that presidential thing again.  It appeared earlier in the PD in a report on Portman’s visit to New Hampshire that drew a lot of meaningless gossip.

We did learn, however, that in addition to supporting restrictions on food stamps, and opposing background gun checks,  Portman introduced a bill to wipe out provisions in Obamacare  that would fine employers who  failed to provide health insurance.

So I guess what I’m trying to tell Matt Borges is that, yeah, the party does have a great story to tell.  But as stories go, they say the same thing about  Alice in Wonderland.