I am sick and tired of all of the attention being given to women and their reproductive organs.  It’s complete bullshit.  At every turn here in Ohio there is new legislation focusing on a woman’s uterus, ovaries, or eggs and what she can or cannot do with these reproductive components of her body.  And those personhood amendments that solely target a woman’s body make me sick.  As if that’s something she should get sole credit for.

Um, excuse me?  Aren’t they forgetting something?

Hi, I’m a man.  Usually known as the other half of reproduction.  I’m the one with the sperm.  And I’m speaking on behalf of men everywhere when I say that I want male reproductive organs legislated on an equal plane with a woman’s.  Think that egg is a potential life?  Then so are my sperm!

Look, nothing against the women who are getting all this attention, but let’s be real.  A typical woman produces fewer than 500 ova in her lifetime. Passively, I might add – out of her control in the natural world.   One per month.  All this attention for something she has absolutely no control over?

Puh-lease.  That’s nothing.

Any guy can can top that count by sneezing.  In fact, with a quick flick of the wrist, an average man can produce 280 MILLION sperm in one shot.  Most married men can produce that amount once a week, but younger men have been know to produce billions of sperm in a single day.

Now, THAT is something worth legislating.  A woman allegedly terminates 500 lives in her entire life, while a man has the power to terminate 500 million lives in a ten minute span.  Egregious.  Unfair.  My boys deserve equal protection under the law.

And the men of Ohio intervene and take back the attention from the women in the state, trillions and trillions of boys will be lost daily.

Vasectomies would obviously be too intrusive, so I am now calling on Representative Lynn Wachtmann, self-appointed spokesperson for responsible reproduction in Ohio, to step it up and follow the lead of Oklahoma State Senator Constance Johnson who introduced an amendment to that state’s personhood bill that read:

However, any action in which a man ejaculates or otherwise deposits semen anywhere but in a woman’s vagina shall be interpreted and construed as an action against an unborn child.

You see, friends, sperm are people too.  And this amendment helps to clarify that by its common name, the “Every Sperm is Sacred” amendment.

 

 
  • Capt. 01%

    Love Love LOVE this

  • Dmoore2222

    Hillarious, but true. Let’s hope the republicans jump in and waste the next eight months fighting over this stuff.

  • Dmoore2222

    This is the very kind of crap that comes from a party that has no sound economic message or plan. They ruined the US economy under Bush and are left with nothing to talk about.  It explains why “W” is nowhere to be found. They sure don’t want him around. With Obama salvaging the American auto industry which accounts for millions of jobs saved and more to be added, Johnny and his party are left to pick a fight with the largest voting block in Ohio–women. We’ll see how that works out. Ha!

  • Anonymous

    Greg is correct.  Our legislators must enact laws preventing the needless daily slaughter of billions of unborn babies.  Every sperm is sacred!

  • Annekarima

    Spermacide??????

  • I think I just wet my pants!

  • Define “we”.

  • Anonymous

    I was totally unaware that I could get paid to screw around.  Is that direct compensation or just an obscure tax credit?

  • Here is the real deal. Men will NEVER know what it is to fear being pregnant when there is no birth control to be used except the rhythm method. They think about sex ALL the time, and you know I am right. A women thinks beyond sex and to the ramifications of the act of sex for us. We are left with the the results of the sex act. Men are not. Women deserve to be able to enjoy this precious act with out fear of pregnancy. IF these bible thumping extremists would look beyond their own beliefs they would know I am right. They can do what ever they want but the women is left holding the baby, taking care of the baby and making sure that all the babies needs are meet up until the child is grown and then some. Not the man. He can walk away. When a women wants to be responsible, and not bring a child into the world that they are not ready or able to take care of properly, men want to stop it by saying insurance should not pay for it. And that someone’s church can dictate what can or cannot be paid for by insurance is unamerican. Yet anything a man wants paid for that has to do with sex, insurance can pay for, like erectile dysfunction. Give me a break. Men do not have sex all the time to procreate they have sex to have the gratification. Yet they can do this because they are not the ones to get pregnant. Women only want the same thing. And insurance can pay for it. What is cheaper for the insurance companies. Pregnancy or contraceptives? Neglected unwanted children or contraceptives? Men wake up and drink the coffee, we will not let this rest so just get over yourselves! or you can drink the cool-aid if you prefer.

  • Thanks for sharing such an interesting information.

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