Tomorrow is Thanksgiving, and we imagine most of you are anxiously looking forward to that TSA Thanksgiving travel groping the media has been preparing you for a week now.ThanksgivingWhether you and your family dine on Turkey, Tofurky, or that The Human Centipedeinspired atrocity known as Turducken, please remember the reason for this holiday as expressed by the nation’s retailers—a feast on Thursday so you can go all of Black Friday with no food you glorious and magnificent consuming bastards!

Happy Thanksgiving, everyone!