If you want to know what kind of books get listed on the New York Times Best Sellers Advice list you only need to look at the books that have been on the list the longest. It’s usually a mish-mash of jesusy, self-help, pseudoscience, failure/divorce/cancer-is-my-friend, get-rich-quick bullshit. And this week is no exception.

Warren Buffet’s unknown son has had a book on the list for 4 weeks that supposedly “discusses the need to forge your own path in life”. I’m guessing his advice involves using your father’s famous name to help sell your self help books instead of actually making billions of dollars yourself. But that’s just a guess.

For 59 weeks comedian Steve Harvey’s book about how to communicate with women has been on the list. Always a useful skill.

But the all time champion on the current list is, of course, The Secret – on the list for 163 straight weeks. And why not? The Secret supposedly teaches you how to use to the “Law of Attraction” to get whatever you want from life. You want a shiny new Porsche? It’s YOURS! Just read this book. The author will tell you how to use mental imaging techniques to “attract” the Porsche to you. No need to actually work hard or get a good education or even waste time stealing the car. The magical powers of the universe will bring you the car if you just fucking believe hard enough. (now available in paperback)

So now that you’ve set your own path in life, learned how to talk to girls and magically attracted that shiny new sports car into your garage, what’s next?

John Kasich’s new book?

According to description: “The former Congressman shares his Bible study group’s discussions about life’s challenges.”

Pretty damn dull for a self-help book description if you ask me.

I know Daniel Paisner – the guy who actually wrote the book – did his best to turn Kasich’s cute little stories into meaningful-sounding chapters. But there is only so much you can do with this type of material.

Yes it has a spiritual, Jesusy theme. And it’s written in the standard parable format that every business and self-help book uses these days. But it really lacks the kind of promises, pomp and pizazz that we’ve come to expect from “advice” books.

At the end of the day, shit I learned from the bible can never, ever compete with free sports cars and advice on talking to chicks.

I give this thing two more weeks tops. And after all of the mega-churches and the conservative groups have stopped placing bulk orders it will drop from the list and we’ll see it on the discount aisle for five bucks.

 

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