I have a rule I follow when I hear a Republican utter anything.? Simply assume the opposite to be true, and you’re in business.? After decades of descending into a fantastical miasma of fictional myth, the presumption must always be that a Republican utterance is in direct opposition to all fact.

For example, let’s take the Republican claim that they support Israel – no wait – the claim that Republicans support Israel MORE THAN ANYBODY.? Make the assumption that this is false, and you immediately leave the fantasy land of Republicanism, well on your way to the world the rest of us live in, i.e. reality.

Republican conservatism’s font of support for Israel is actually the apocalyptic notion of Republicanism’s evangelical base that according to the Book of Revelations (itself a document written to posit non-factual items) Armageddon cannot begin until Israel controls the holy land.? So this “support” for Israel is actually support for Israel’s eventual destruction after which all Jews are thrown into hell as heathen non-believers on judgment day.? Awesome!

Of course, actual support for Israel, in the real world, where the rest of us live, means in part at least a minimum of understanding of the Jewish traditions of our fellow Americans.? As Passover comes and goes, we are all reminded of the times when in school, non-Jews (like me, and many of our readers) held a seder supper, to learn about how the religion of Jesus may have celebrated the Last Supper.? For most of us real world dwellers, we also took this as an opportunity to learn about, you know, Jews.

Not Republicans.? Jill notes the John Kasich phone bank that called her house, in the middle of their own Passover seder. And Republican candidate for US Senate in California, Carly Fiorina, sent out a “Passover email” which said,

we break bread and spend time with our families and friends.”

At which point every single person who has ever held a seder, pretend or otherwise, remembers that the Jews fleeing Egypt didn’t have time to break bread, because bread took a long time to rise, so it was unleavened, didn’t have yeast, and thus wasn’t actually bread, but matzoh, as we know it today, and that Jews actually avoid bread during Passover.

Try it some time.? Just assume that whatever a Republican says to you is false, and the world makes a whole lot more sense.

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  • mvirenicus

    i'd like to see eric cantor thrown into apocalyptic hellfire.

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