This is making the rounds on the Internet. I thought I would share because it amused me. All text following this paragraph is pasted in full.

This morning I was awoken by my alarm clock powered by electricity generated by the public power monopoly regulated by the US Department of Energy. I then took a shower in the clean water provided by the municipal water utility. After that, I turned on the TV to one of the FCC regulated channels to see what the National Weather Service of the National Oceanographic and Atmospheric Administration determined the weather was going to be like using satellites designed, built and launched by the National Aeronautics and Space Administration. I watched this while eating my breakfast of US Department of Agriculture inspected food and taking the drugs which have been determined as safe by the Food and Drug Administration.

At the appropriate time, as regulated by the US congress and kept accurate by the National Institute of Standards and Technology and the US Naval Observatory, I get into my National Highway Traffic Safety Administration approved automobile and set out to work on the roads built by the local, state and federal departments of transportation, possibly stopping to purchase additional fuel of a quality level determined by the Environmental Protection Agency, using legal tender issued by the Federal Reserve Bank. On the way out the door, I deposit any mail I have to be sent out via the US Postal Service and drop the kids off at the public school.

After work, I drive my NHTSA car back home on the DOT roads to my house, which has not burned down in my absence because of the state and local building codes and fire marshall’s inspection, and which has not been plundered of all its valuables thanks to the local police department.

I then log on to the internet, which was developed by the Defense Advanced Research Projects Administration and post on and fox news forums about how socialism in medicine is bad because the government can’t do anything right.


  • Kerri38846

    An Alternate Day in a Fictitious Free Market that Liberals think will create Chaos:

    This morning I was able to be woken up on time by an accurate alarm clock because the free market competition gave me hundreds of choices, most of which are accurate, inexpensive and long-lasting.

    I turn on my 42 inch big screen high def TV that is AMAZINGLY inexpensive, long lasting and always works because free market competition forces crappy TV companies out of business due to consumer demand for better products.

    I check to see what the weather is on one of the several free market channels providing accurate weather.

    I don’t have to take ANY medications because the FDA was disbanded after too many deaths due to collusion with Big Pharma- and this created a glut of accurate and useful information about natural substances and diet. As a result, I don’t need any medications because my health is great.

    I am teleported instantly to my job without the need for roads, fuel or cars because libertarians granted Congress only the power it is allowed by the Constitution. Once all of the taxpayer subsidies for the auto and oil companies were removed, they became entirely unprofitable and money was shifted away to free market ideas. The old outdated ideas of driving and using oil were shelved in favor of teleportation- which uses no fossil fuels and gets it’s energy directly from the sun.

    I use gold for money to pay for my teleportation machine and because the Federal Reserve was disbanded, inflation is Zero and my taxes are at 10%. The money that I save for retirement will be there for me. Because there is no inflation, I can effectively plan for my retirement without having to take variable crazy rates of inflation in account.

    I instantly teleport my mail where it needs to go without wasting fossil fuels or wondering if it got lost. I can do this because there is no govt. subsidies to outdated technology like ‘mail trucks’ and ‘postage’.

    After work, I’m instantly teleported back to my children. In the ‘old days’ when cars and roads were subsidized by the govt, they used to drive an hour each way to work and never saw their children.

    My house is structurally sound because the companies producing poor quality construction were sued by citizens and ran out of business. Now companies don’t DARE to build poor quality construction because of the cost of lawsuits and the terrible publicity the free market media gives to even marginal companies.

    Life is good, I have low taxes and prices of goods and services from small companies are low because the govt doesn’t have tens of thousands of regulations and taxes on each and every business that starts up. Since innovation is rewarded with free market values and it’s not stifled by govt taxes to subsidize companies that the govt ‘likes’ and gets benefits from, technology rapidly comes to market and everything just gets less and less expensive and is better quality.

  • modernesquire

    Clocks are timed in accordance with weight and measures. You know all those atomic clocks the free market creates? Yeah, they're synced to the atomic clock maintained by the government.

    Um, television companies don't make long lasting televisions because they want you to replace them every decade. Not every company has the business plan of Stride gum.

    The idea that the FDA keeps people unhealthy by hiding natural cures is barely valid enough to make it on late night informericals.

    Consumer protection agencies have a documented history of making products safer and longer lasting than the private market will do on its own.

    Teleportation? Next…

    Um… gold does not end all economic ills. It actually causes DEFLATION and prevents the ability of the Fed to affect monetary policy in a manner that allow us to get of the deflationary cycle of this recession.

    You never see your children because of your car? What?

    Your house isn't structurally sound now? Newsflash, as a lawyer, I can't even believe that my profession would make house safer than they are now if we didn't have building codes and inspections. Seriously, why wouldn't these things already exists now WITH the added benefit of regulation?

    Yes, life is good so long as you own one of the monopolies that are allowed to exist without government protection against anti-competitive activities like price fixing.

    I really can't tell if this comment was snark or not. I cannot believe any sane person would write this except to MOCK liberterian's idoitic utopian view of their ideology which has been proven by that little known piece of evidence call the entire summation of all human existence.

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