Hi Tonya!? You’ll get to know Tonya Gurr real well here.? Maybe after this, Tonya Gurr will get to know Dennis Kucinich, even!

I dropped off my MacBook Pro at the Crocker Park Apple Store today to fix the rapidly deteriorating fan situation?(thanks for all the suggestions, none worked!), and was again seduced by Iphones everywhere.? For those new to my Iphone upgrade nightmare, I’ve been in a death match with AT&T over Iphone upgrade for a long time.?

Since this battle began, AT&T has sent me no upgrade offer, despite having sent me a?fraudulent one in October.? I’ve been told repeatedly I would get an offer in January.? January’s almost over, no offer.? Since I was at the Apple Store, I decided to check online?to see if I could upgrade.? Lo and behold, I can.? The Apple Store Iphone guy suggested I contact AT&T for potential discounts, rather than pay full price on the spot.? I figured I might have a good position to argue for a discount, especially vis a vis the upgrade fee.?

Silly me.

I called the 611 customer service number on my phone, and got to Tonya Gurr.? I asked if I could negotiate a discount in light of my saga.? Tonya Gurr said no discounts on Iphone, period.? I said I don’t want a discount on the phone other than the available upgrade discount, I want a discount on the upgrade?fees and the plan.? Tonya Gurr said no discounts there either.? I mentioned the saga, told her it was all documented in her little computer.? Tonya Gurr said sorry, no discounts.? I told Tonya Gurr I am literally standing outside the Apple Store waiting to give your company money, and this is how you treat a customer standing next to your product waiting to buy it?? Tonya Gurr said that’s the price, take it or leave it.

Then I asked Tonya Gurr if I could speak to her supervisor.? Tonya Gurr said I could, if I sat on hold for 10-20 minutes.? I asked can you have your supervisor call me back, I don’t want to sit on hold.? Tonya Gurr said no.? I asked why not?? Tonya Gurr said we value our customers’ time, so you should call back when you have time.? I said if you value your customer’s time, why are you telling him to sit on hold for 10-20 minutes, why can’t your supervisor just dial my phone number when they’re ready?? Tonya Gurr said no, again.

That’s when I switched to blogger mode.? I asked Tonya Gurr if this was her idea of customer service, to say “no” to every single question?the customer?asked.? Tonya Gurr said I shouldn’t ask questions that have only one answer.? Then I asked if Tonya Gurr was a customer service rep or AT&T’s attorney.? Tonya Gurr said she’s not an attorney.?

Then I asked for Tonya’s name.? She said Tonya.? I asked for her last name.? She said Gurr.? I asked for her email address, because I planned to blog this episode and email it to interested parties, as I’ve done all the others, and would like to email her the post as a courtesy.?

Tonya Gurr said she doesn’t have an email address.? I said, “You don’t have an email address?”? Tonya Gurr said, “no I don’t have an email address.”? I said this must be some kind of a joke.? Tonya Gurr assured me, no, she has no email address.?

Then?I told Tonya Gurr that the next time she’s on Google, she can Google her name, and this blog post will pop up with her name in the headline, the blog is called Plunderbund, it’s the biggest blog in Ohio, you’ll have no trouble finding it.? Then I hung up.

I am now emailing this post to the same list I emailed?the rest of the?AT&T Iphone Upgrade Nightmare series, and I’m adding to the list Ohio Congressman Dennis Kucinich’s office, who takes a particular interest in customer abuse by telecom companies.? And I cannot WAIT until I’m a county councillor, so I can crawl up AT&T’s ass with a microscope in a public hearing to find out just why they treat their customers like a vulture treats road kill.

And if?anyone at Verizon wants to offer to cover my cancellation fee for switching to Verizon and getting the Google phone, I’m all ears.? As for AT&T, this is their last chance to make good with this long time customer.? I am through subjecting myself to this level of mendacious, duplicitous, dishonest, thoroughly un-American behavior by a corporation which seems to think their customers exist to feed their corpulent fetid carcass.

(And Apple, please ditch the exclusivity thing!)

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