I guess I owe the married people an apology – I’m sorry for calling the entire institution of marriage “idiotic”. ?Really, I am. ?What I meant to say is that in most cases like Tiger Woods’, marriage is idiotic.

On the whole, society’s marriage obsession is…hmm…..how about ridiculous? I’ve seen more hurt and pain caused by marriage, the perpetuation of bad marriages, and the instinct to enter into marriage, than just about any human endeavor has ever caused aside from religion, which wins the gold medal. ?It is a hopelessly flawed model – it essentially asks human beings to commit to resisting their humanity for their entire life. ?It’s like The Closet, except it’s enforced by co-mingling of funds, acres of legal code, and a society that encourages the fantasy.

Yes, for some tiny number of people, there is no resistance involved, because they really have found a soulmate. ?Yay. ?That number is so infinitesimally small it’s a joke to make such a minority the goal, turning the movie moment into the entire ?expectation. ?You’ll notice the movie usually ends after the angels serenade the marriage proposal. ?They don’t even show you the wedding.

So back to Tiger Woods. ?Spare me the “outrage”. ?As I commented before, the anomaly is not that he’s been porking every hot babe within eyesight, the anomaly is that he ever got married. ?I suspect that in addition to reflexively chasing this absurd Platonic form of all that is holy which we call marriage, Tiger probably thought that by doing so, his golf would improve.

Many argued that to him. ?After Tiger went on his 2000-2001 tear, and began what for him was a “slump” (meaning – not winning every major), the commentariat declared that if Tiger got married at this stage in his career, as Jack Nicklaus did, he’d soon be at his best. ?The advice was “family life” and the “stability” would allow him to focus more on his game.

Well, we now see how that worked out. ?What’s amazing is that entering this foolhardy “relationship,” while simultaneously bagging honeys at a Wilt Chamberlain clip, didn’t stop Tiger winning – nothing stops him from winning. ?It also didn’t stop the gold digging babes, his wife being Exhibit Fucking A. ?Hell, maybe I should start running around claiming Tiger and I had a moment, maybe I can get a payday!

As with all things Tiger, this “marriage” looks like it was all. ?About. ?The Golf. ?Period. ?Just as certain, Tiger will fix it. ?Tiger went out and rebuilt his golf swing, twice, to get better. ?Perhaps his “marriage” will be just as quickly discarded as his old swing. ?Or perhaps the gigolo act will be discarded. ?Whatever happens, none of this is going to stand in his way.

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  • Shameless Agitator

    Tim, I agree with your argument that the anomaly is that Tiger ever got married in the first place. With a Shadow that big and dark, he should have stayed single. Maybe he was still living his life to please his father? The choices people make don't always make sense. I hope his wife dumps him. It'll be the best. I still hope, for the sake of his kids, that he can grow the hell up and act like the father they need him to be.

  • Shalom Tim,

    Dan Savage is clearly on your side:

    For the millionth time: Men cheat for the same reasons women cheat, i.e., because they're bored or horny or unfulfilled or desperate to see someone else naked for a change. People cheat because monogamy isn't natural and we are wired to cheat. That doesn't make cheating right, of course; people should honor their commitments, and blah-de-nine-iron-blah. But we shouldn't encourage people to make commitments we all know they're unlikely to keep. The end.

    B'shalom,

    Jeff

  • Jeff. Sorry man. Dunno why after several approvals you weren't on the whitelist. I added you.

  • mvirenicus

    “I guess I owe the married people an apology…”

    i'm sorry they're married too.

  • Shalom Eric,

    Phew! I was beginning to thing my pinko leftist creds were in doubt.

    B'shalom,

    Jeff

  • lgw

    I guess I appreciate your attempt to clarify and explain your views, but as one of the married people, I don't feel a whole hellava lot of comfort at being called “ridiculous” rather than “idiotic.”

    That being said, I still disagree with you. You have a cynical view of marriage which I understand stems from your personal experience and what you have seen around you. But do you really believe that marriage is hopelessly flawed because it requires people to act against “their humanity”? That means people are naturally inclined to cheat and philander and SHOULD NOT BE DISCOURAGED FROM DOING SO. But what you ignore is the fact that society reins in our base instincts on so many levels – that's what creates a workable, peaceful, productive society. Is the criminal code hopelessly flawed because it prevents us from acting out in violence against others? Part of what makes us human is the fact that we can resist our base urges and elevate ourselves to a higher level. A successful marriage leads to that kind of spiritual elevation.

    It's too bad you haven't experienced the positive side of marriage because until you do, you cannot fully understand the benefits. It's kind of like having children – until you have them, you haven't experienced a full range of emotions and ideas that come with becoming a parent. It changes you in a fundamental way. Marriage can do that too, in my opinion. In fact, there are aspects of my own humanity that I have experienced because I am married.

    Yes, I agree that the Hollywood view of marriage is completely unrealistic. Most people don't marry their soul mates, BUT many happy, long-lasting marriages exist between people who admit they aren't soul mates. Go figure.

    And how about all those famous athletes and celebrities who marry, have children, and don't cheat? Those relationships don't fit your model. Or maybe you don't believe they exist.

    You're entitled to your opinion, but admit that it's superficial and based on a very narrow scope of experience. Don't insult all of us married people by concluding that we are dump sheep who don't know any better. We know a lot that you don't.

  • It would be wonderful if nobody ever committed adultery, but I think there can be a rationalization for many people that the adultery partner is purely a sexual encounter and has nothing to do with love of wife/husband or family. I'm not saying it's right, but that it happens. Sex and love can be two completely separate things.

    Some folks are wired for devotion and commitment, others just don't seem to have that skill. But when women and men marry partners that they know are horndogs and horndogettes, there should really be no major surprise when their partner falls back on the old habits.

  • lgw

    I guess I appreciate your attempt to clarify and explain your views, but as one of the married people, I don't feel a whole hellava lot of comfort at being called “ridiculous” rather than “idiotic.”

    That being said, I still disagree with you. You have a cynical view of marriage which I understand stems from your personal experience and what you have seen around you. But do you really believe that marriage is hopelessly flawed because it requires people to act against “their humanity”? That means people are naturally inclined to cheat and philander and SHOULD NOT BE DISCOURAGED FROM DOING SO. But what you ignore is the fact that society reins in our base instincts on so many levels – that's what creates a workable, peaceful, productive society. Is the criminal code hopelessly flawed because it prevents us from acting out in violence against others? Part of what makes us human is the fact that we can resist our base urges and elevate ourselves to a higher level. A successful marriage leads to that kind of spiritual elevation.

    It's too bad you haven't experienced the positive side of marriage because until you do, you cannot fully understand the benefits. It's kind of like having children – until you have them, you haven't experienced a full range of emotions and ideas that come with becoming a parent. It changes you in a fundamental way. Marriage can do that too, in my opinion. In fact, there are aspects of my own humanity that I have experienced because I am married.

    Yes, I agree that the Hollywood view of marriage is completely unrealistic. Most people don't marry their soul mates, BUT many happy, long-lasting marriages exist between people who admit they aren't soul mates. Go figure.

    And how about all those famous athletes and celebrities who marry, have children, and don't cheat? Those relationships don't fit your model. Or maybe you don't believe they exist.

    You're entitled to your opinion, but admit that it's superficial and based on a very narrow scope of experience. Don't insult all of us married people by concluding that we are dumb sheep who don't know any better. We know a lot that you don't.

  • It would be wonderful if nobody ever committed adultery, but I think there can be a rationalization for many people that the adultery partner is purely a sexual encounter and has nothing to do with love of wife/husband or family. I'm not saying it's right, but that it happens. Sex and love can be two completely separate things.

    Some folks are wired for devotion and commitment, others just don't seem to have that skill. But when women and men marry partners that they know are horndogs and horndogettes, there should really be no major surprise when their partner falls back on the old habits.

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