I guess I owe the married people an apology – I’m sorry for calling the entire institution of marriage “idiotic”. ?Really, I am. ?What I meant to say is that in most cases like Tiger Woods’, marriage is idiotic.

On the whole, society’s marriage obsession is…hmm…..how about ridiculous? I’ve seen more hurt and pain caused by marriage, the perpetuation of bad marriages, and the instinct to enter into marriage, than just about any human endeavor has ever caused aside from religion, which wins the gold medal. ?It is a hopelessly flawed model – it essentially asks human beings to commit to resisting their humanity for their entire life. ?It’s like The Closet, except it’s enforced by co-mingling of funds, acres of legal code, and a society that encourages the fantasy.

Yes, for some tiny number of people, there is no resistance involved, because they really have found a soulmate. ?Yay. ?That number is so infinitesimally small it’s a joke to make such a minority the goal, turning the movie moment into the entire ?expectation. ?You’ll notice the movie usually ends after the angels serenade the marriage proposal. ?They don’t even show you the wedding.

So back to Tiger Woods. ?Spare me the “outrage”. ?As I commented before, the anomaly is not that he’s been porking every hot babe within eyesight, the anomaly is that he ever got married. ?I suspect that in addition to reflexively chasing this absurd Platonic form of all that is holy which we call marriage, Tiger probably thought that by doing so, his golf would improve.

Many argued that to him. ?After Tiger went on his 2000-2001 tear, and began what for him was a “slump” (meaning – not winning every major), the commentariat declared that if Tiger got married at this stage in his career, as Jack Nicklaus did, he’d soon be at his best. ?The advice was “family life” and the “stability” would allow him to focus more on his game.

Well, we now see how that worked out. ?What’s amazing is that entering this foolhardy “relationship,” while simultaneously bagging honeys at a Wilt Chamberlain clip, didn’t stop Tiger winning – nothing stops him from winning. ?It also didn’t stop the gold digging babes, his wife being Exhibit Fucking A. ?Hell, maybe I should start running around claiming Tiger and I had a moment, maybe I can get a payday!

As with all things Tiger, this “marriage” looks like it was all. ?About. ?The Golf. ?Period. ?Just as certain, Tiger will fix it. ?Tiger went out and rebuilt his golf swing, twice, to get better. ?Perhaps his “marriage” will be just as quickly discarded as his old swing. ?Or perhaps the gigolo act will be discarded. ?Whatever happens, none of this is going to stand in his way.

Tagged with: