Ultra-patriotic wingnuts have become our nations’ hall monitors for Flag Etiquette.

They love to accuse Democrats of disrespecting the American Flag and use any such violation or perceived violation as further proof that Democrats hate America. (yes, Ralph, I’m talking about you.)

Republicans seem to think they have some kind of monopoly on patriotism. This, of course, just isn’t true.

Democrats love this country as much- if not more than Republicans. We just choose to express that patriotism in different, more subtle ways like actually helping out our fellow Americans and working to make our a country a better place to live.

Republicans, on the other hand, choose to wear oversized US flag pins and chant USA, USA, USA. I think they really believe this behavior proves they are patriots when, in fact, it comes across more as the behavior of a person who is trying hard to hide something.

For example, imagine you pass a guy on the street wearing a pin depicting a male sex organ. As you pass he begins screaming at you:


Are you going to think: MAN! That guy must have an AWESOME PENIS! ?

Probably not. No, you’d probably end up wondering: what the hell is up with that guy and his penis? And why the hell is he yelling at me about it?

Now imagine half the country started listening to that guy and acting the same way.

THAT is how we feel when we watch your convention. THAT is how we feel when you accuse us of hating America when we don’t wear a flag pin.

I have this strange feeling my little story isn’t going to change many minds. I have a feeling that most of the minds that need to be changed started quietly chanting USA USA a few sentences back and the rest are now thinking: Joe just said the American flag is a penis… get him!

Fine. We’ll do this the hard way.

I guess I’ll have to resort to that proof I mentioned in the title of this post.

To all of you who think that anyone who doesn’t follow proper flag etiquette hates America- here you go…

1. The flag should never be dipped to any person or thing. It is flown upside down only as a distress signal.

2. The flag should not be used as a drapery, or for covering a speakers desk, draping a platform, or for any decoration in general.

3. The flag should never be used for any advertising purpose.

4. The flag should not be used as part of a costume or athletic uniform

5. The flag should never have placed on it, or attached to it, any mark, insignia, letter, word, number, figure, or drawing of any kind.

6. The flag should never be used as a receptacle for receiving, holding, carrying, or delivering anything.

(that bag is Official GOP Convention 2008 Gear)

and, of course…

7. the flag should never be consumed with yummy cream cheese frosting- even if it is Patriot Day.

( ht Christopher– one of my new favorite Ohio bloggers)