Bloggers often feign anger or disgust or shock or horror about things that, in a reality, aren’t worthy of such a severe reaction.

This is not one of those times.

The “article” I just read is so fucked up that- in all honesty- I’m hesitant to even link to it. It is obviously a lie; a completely made up story written by a completely racist fuck. But, if you do want to read this garbage in its entirety, you can do so here.

In short: it’s an article written by “Coach Dave” about an obviously-made-up encounter with a “dark-skinned man” named Andree who conveniently claims Barack Obama is not actually Black.

A little background

Dave Daubenmire, aka “Coach Dave”, is a former high school football coach from Ohio who was sued by the ACLU in 1999 for forcing his players to pray before games. Since he can’t coach football anymore (no one wants to hire some nutjob, Jesus freak!), he now lectures and hosts a radio show in Columbus on which he uses football analogies to push his christofascist agenda.

I’ve read a lot of fucked up shit by a lot of fucked up people, but I’m pretty sure the most fucked up thing I’ve ever read is the story Dave is trying to push in this piece: a hard working black guy, who happens to be a former marine, gets into a conversation with Dave at a coffee shop and tells him:

Obama ain’t black — only his skin is. He is what I like to call a BOSCO – Black On Skin Color Only. They are doing all they can to try and convince everyone that he is black but Obama is white.

BOSCO? Seriously?

How fucking long do you think he sat around trying to figure that one out?

But if you think that is bad- then you need to read the rest of the “quotes” by Andree, which all contain Dave’s interpretation of what a black guy, who just happens to dislike the first serious African American presidential candidate, might sound like.

Shit like:

“I couldn’t help but hear what you boys had been discussin’ and I don’t mean to stick my nose in where it don’t belong, but I couldn’t leave without settin’ you straight.”


“See, that’s why I sat down here, brother; and we are brothers. They’ve got even honest folks like you afraid to speak the truth. Talk to me like I’m white, and I’ll talk to you like you were black, OK? Let me fill you in on what is really going on.”

Jesus fucking Christ.

And if you think that’s bad, hang on. It only get’s worse.

Come on now, Coach, he continued. I know you are a man who is not afraid of the truth, so let me pass you a little pepper to mix with that salt of yours. The only thing black about Obama is his daddy. Other than that, he is a white boy. His mama was a white woman from Kansas, he was born in Hawaii, his daddy wasn’t even an American, he moved to Indonesia at the age of six, moved back to Hawaii at the age of ten where he lived with his white grandparents who enrolled him in an uppity prep school. He went to college at leftist Columbia, and eventually Harvard law school. How many boys from the hood can claim those accomplishments? There ain’t one thing black about his life-experience. Obama is a BOSCO. If he had a white face he would just be another Dennis Kucinich.

Ok. So I changed my mind.

You absolutely have to read the original article. Because it’s so fucked up and so fake and so over-the-top that I can’t really do it justice here. Every sentence is insulting and offensive; every sentence is worse than the one before.

He even throws in some compliments to himself. And why the fuck not? If you are making shit up anyway, you might as well make up wonderful shit about yourself…

“You are not afraid to say what needs to be said”, says the random, fake black guy who just happens to be at the coffee shop at the same time as Dave. “I know that about you. I don’t really know you – but I know that about you. The kind of courage you have is rare these days.”

And I’ll have to agree with this nonexistent, “dark-skinned” fellow: Coach Dave does have a kind of courage that is rare these days.

Dave has the courage to make up a bunch of lies about how black men in America feel about Barack Obama and then publish these lies as though they were the “average black man’s perspective”.

I’ll leave you with the final thoughts of Dave – speaking as his new BFF (Black Fake Friend) Andree:

I ain’t gonna say he is a Muslim like some others, but he sure isn’t a real Christian. I am a Christian and that is why I sat down to talk to you. Somebody has to tell the truth, Coach, somebody with some courage. Obama is a big-government socialist dressed up in a Willy Wonka suit. He will destroy what is left of America.

I love this country. I fought in Iraq for her. saw lots of men die. And I’ll tell you this; they didn’t die so that a woman could kill her baby or so that a man could marry a man. And I quaran-dam-tee you they didn’t fight and die to see this country handed over to the communists.

UPDATE: I got an email response from Coach Dave. According to Dave the conversation took place at “Tim Horton’s Lancaster, Ohio” on “July 7th”.