from The Deseret News (via Joseph on IM and commenter Snowe). I give this piece of drivel to you in it’s entirety. It’s hilarious, really. I’m so glad Joe broke this story and started the pressure that would lead to their contract manufacturer refusing to make these racist dolls. Joe’s initial post was not always credited, but make no mistake this was a Plunderbund original. I’m really tempted to break this into pieces and comment on it, but It really does speak for itself.

We at TheSockObama Co. have some questions to pose. What’s really going on in America? In the good ol’ fashion spirit of entrepreneurialism ; free enterprise has been censored, and TheSockObama politically plush toy has been discriminated against in the marketplace of the United States of America.

Double standards appear to be a common thread here. It’s okay for there to be hundreds of thousands of Google sites containing references to our current president’s resemblance to a chimpanzee. However, it’s not okay to make that same association regarding our possible next president. Isn’t this the very definition of hypocrisy? We find this to be both obvious and curious in the same breath.

After seven days as an e-commerce merchant, we had to close our doors today at www.thesockobama.com. Sadly, we are currently issuing refunds to all of our wonderful new Customers around the globe. TheSockObama is no longer scheduled to go into mass production. Nor will his cast of politically plush friends be produced, including JohnnieMcSock, his fierce political competitor that we had planned to introduce next week. We are compelled to take this action, as a result of our designer/supplier conceding, seemingly due to the enormous pressure from opposers. Have the bullies won here?

Our first and last foray into the blogging world began and ended on Tuesday June 10th. In an amateurish, clumsy attempt at marketing a time-sensitive, politically plush toy online; we came upon some sort of an election-themed website that looked promising; and we blogged our new business with a sassy lure of plush prose. We didnit know there were rules to blogging. We know now.
There, the blogging dens of resistance quickly began their fury of emails. An electronic battery of fiery darts flowed swiftly but silently through the veins of technology. Feverish fingers frantically clicking coast to coast, crashing and burning our tragically naive – yet sparkling website. A steady stream of repetitive verbal eloquence graced our Customer service inbox with tasty tidbits like, eff-ewe and every other colorul expletive you could possibly imagine. We thought we had heard it all. Hey thanks. This is America, right?

Having led a moderately quiet lifestyle until now; our social calendar suddenly filled up with vivid and creative death threats. And last we heard, a posse of bloggers from back east are on their way over to conduct n how did they phrase it, a good oli fashioned KKK house burning party at David & Elizabethis. Kinda exciting stuff, but this in America?

On Friday the Media swooped in. Love notes with call me from newspaper publications and television personalities were left at our door. We agreed to permit two local stations to share a bit of our initial reaction on the madness of it all. We were the top news story on both networks at 9:00pm and 10:00pm.. By the way, TheSockObama story preceded the shocking and untimely death of our well loved Tim Russert of NBC. What the heck does this say about the spiritual barometer of a proclaimed to be united people? Unfortunately, this is America.

The questions we still find perplexing are; is America really ready for change? With the number of Customers we’ve had to disappoint in our first week of business; are we saying it’s okay to take something out of the marketplace that other people want to buy? Are we now censoring one another’s liberty as Americans to freely purchase goods and services on our own terms? Is this the kind of America we want?

Before we close, please note that the creators of TheSockObama are not of the Mormon faith. Kindly refrain from unkind remarks about our neighbors and friends of the Mormon faith whom we love and hold dear.

We wish to thank all of our TheSockObama Co. Customers and supporters in the United States, Canada, United Kingdom and Australia. We hope to meet again soon in a new venue.

Sincerely yours,

TheSockObama Co.

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  • Here’s a clue for the good people of TheSockObama Company. You were not a victim. You were merely a player in the free market and the free market reacted strongly to your racist product. It’s really very simple.

    Thanks for playing!

    Maybe you can get some wingnut controlled plush toy manufacturer to make your vile little monkey dolls and then run an ad on Right Blogs everywhere. Maybe accessorize the little guy with a rifle and a “cold dead fingers” tee shirt.

    Dare to dream!

  • http://www.deseretnews.com/article/1,5143,700235184,00.html

    There’s an update saying that they have other opportunities to put it into production…

  • Thanks for the links and the diligence on this. Saw some guy wanting to buy the rights. Sick fuckers these.

    I do hope they keep writing though. I never knew we were “An electronic battery of fiery darts flowing swiftly but silently through the veins of technology.” I think I shall add that to our description of the site.

    ROFL.

  • Their press release was AWESOME. So many misspelled words, extra spaces, and mixed metaphors.

  • I lived/worked in SLC for almost a year and I found the people there to be extremely nice- even the Mormons.

    No one ever pushed religion on me.

    No one ever judged me for showing up late because I’d been out drinking the night before.

    And no one ever gave me shit for having multiple cups of coffee throughout the day to keep me going at work. (Mormons don’t consume caffeine, in case you didn’t know)

    My point here being: no one at PB attacked you because of your religion, David & Elizabeth.

    We were simply pointing out that you are a couple of wanna-be “entrepreneurs” who thought their big break would come by selling an obviously racist product to a bunch of other racists.

    Not exactly a winning business plan there, kids.

  • @5: There you go again Joe with your electronic battery of fiery darts flowing swiftly but silently through the veins of technology. Would you stop that already?

  • This is not the first time this has occurred to me, but given the level of prose coming out of this latest diatribe (which follows an apology, mind you), I’m really starting to believe this thing is an elaborate hoax or a yanking of chain of some sort.

    It just has to be. I mean seriously. “electronic battery of fiery darts flowing swiftly but silently through the veins of technology”?

    I will say this in the event it is. Bloody brilliant and utterly hilarious. Except for the racist monkey bit, of course, which deserved to get smacked.

  • I think I mentioned that in my initial post. that I thought it was a big, racist joke.

    Except for the response from the manufacturer, it certainly could be.

  • All I know is they need to enter this paragraph in Bulwer-Lytton:

    There, the blogging dens of resistance quickly began their fury of emails. An electronic battery of fiery darts flowed swiftly but silently through the veins of technology. Feverish fingers frantically clicking coast to coast, crashing and burning our tragically naive – yet sparkling website.

    It could, in fact, be their ticket to greatness. Who needs to sell racist monkey dolls when you have abilities like this!

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