I’ve been in NYC for the past two weeks watching sex scandal after sex scandal unfold out here.

First it was Eliot Spitzer and his now-famous, high-priced call girl. Then it was the new Governor admitting that he and his wife had extra-marital affairs during a ‘rocky period’ in their marriage.

And now it turns out that ex-NJ gov Jim McGreevy and his wife may have had threesomes with a former campaign aide.

McGreevy quit his job in 2005 when his former lover (not the threesome guy) and national security advisor threatened a lawsuit after being fired for having zero national security experience. And this new information – about a different young, male lover – is coming out during his nasty divorce.

Spitzer pretty much had to quit his job when it was revealed that he was identified in an FBI affidavit detailing the operation of a large-scale prostitution ring whose services he had used for many years.

But David Paterson, the new Governor of NY, came right out and admitted his affair, explained the circumstances (marriage problems) and how he resolved them (counciling) and, in my opinion, will come out of this non-scandal without any serious consequences.

So why will Mr. Paterson be given a pass on his infidelity while Spitzer and McGreevy’s actions caused the downfall of their political careers?

No- it’s not because David is Blind. It’s because he followed the two big rules…

1. Don’t pay for sex

Don’t pay for sex with crystal meth like Ted Haggard. Not with lobbying favors like John McCain. And ESPECIALLY not with large amounts of money – like Eliot Spitzer.

Because it’s illegal, you will be forced to resign when the truth is revealed. And make no mistake, it will be revealed.

You can assume that if some young, hot person is willing to take money to sleep with your ugly, old ass then will almost certainly tell their story to the press or the cops with the hope that they will be offered tons more cash for the movie-rights, a book deal and a layout in Playboy.

If you are going to have an affair, make sure it’s with someone you know and trust.

2. Avoid Gay Sex

If you are ‘happily’ married to a woman then an extra-marital affair with another man will become a horribly disasterous scandal.

It’s not just because of the gay thing- though that might be part of it for some people. Mainly it’s because this scandal is two scandals is one:

a. he lied to us about his sexual orientation!

b. he cheated on his wife.

If you happen to also be a conservative politician with a long anti-gay voting record or a religious leader who spews anti-gay rhetoric in the name of Jesus then it’s really three scandals since people will also accuse you of voting/preaching dishonestly – and possibly breaking God’s laws as well.

Unless you are openly gay – or at least not married to a woman – you should generally avoid having sex with men unless you are willing to come out – which seems unlikely if you have spent your whole life hiding your sexual orientation. Note: it’s too late to do this AFTER the scandal breaks.

Of course, the best solution is to just avoid having sex with anyone that is not your wife.

Other options include leaving politics (no one cares if you aren’t in office or running for office) or – if you just have to be a politician – then consider running for office in France where your affairs may actually be an asset.

 
  • Tongue implanted in cheek – don’t you think that thing about stick to sex with your wife should be the first course of action for a married couple? lol

    Followed by, “If you can’t do that…”?

  • Of course that makes sense to normal people like us, Jill.

    But hey- I’m not a power-hungry politician who used to be a rich, connected lawyer who used to be a spoiled brat son of a power-hungry… etc… etc…

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